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Have you heard of a new popular expression called "narcissistic abuse"? The idea of narcissistic abuse has been quite popular lately, with A LOT of use on popular psychology blogs and forums. What if we were to say that "narcissistic abuse" is actually aprejudicialMITODOES NO ONE do favors for the perpetrator OR the victim of domestic violence?
Here, our founder Logan Cohen speaks with a local leader of domestic violence intervention efforts in North Carolina, Bea Cote, LCSW, LMFT. Together they discuss 3 distinct issues raised by the use of the term narcissistic abuse: Ready for change in Charlotte, NC?
Yes, we said “domestic violence”. The phrase “narcissistic abuse” is a beautiful one and prevents both the abuser and the victim from healing and overcoming these dangerous behaviors and the resulting traumatic experiences.
"Narcissistic Abuse" is NOT a diagnosis or clinical syndrome as identified byDiagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM), or theAmerican Psychological Association (APA). Rather, “narcissistic abuse” is just a clever term that creates some unique problems of its own BESIDES the abusive behavior and trauma resulting from domestic violence.
Here, our founder Logan Cohen speaks with a local leader of domestic violence intervention efforts in North Carolina, Bea Cote, LCSW, LMFT. Together they discuss 3 distinct issues that have been created for both the victim and the perpetrator by using the term “narcissistic abuse”:
Harmful myth of narcissistic abuse in domestic violence
#1 Harmful Myth of Narcissistic Abuse in Domestic Violence–"Domestic Violence" Sweetened
The term "narcissistic abuse" manages to avoid the use of the term "domestic violence" entirely. This makes it difficult to hold the perpetrator accountable through power and control tactics. Not only is this DANGEROUS for the victim because there can be no proper approach to changing abusive behavior that escalates over time and becomes physical for 10 million victims each year, but it also rationalizes the abuser's behavior because "they are sick ".
Here, our founder Logan Cohen speaks with a local leader of domestic violence intervention efforts in Charlotte, NC, Bea Cote, LCSW, LMFT. When 'narcissistic abuse' is on the table in Charlotte, NC, are you ready to help?
investigation ofModel DuluthThis clearly shows that an abuser uses power and control tactics to manipulate the victim's behavior. There are many different reasons why an abuser states WHY he believes he has the right to behave using power and control tactics, but the conscious intent expressed is to consistently control his victim's behavior.
Duluth Model's research clearly shows that a bully uses power and control tactics to manipulate a victim's behavior. The label “narcissistic abuse” DOES NOT do these experiences justice.
The first clinical approach for a perpetrator of domestic violence is to ensure that there is appropriate accountability and reassurance for all affected members of the community. Until there is an appropriate level of accountability for the abuser's behavior, it is NOT safe to begin treatment for the abuser's underlying mental health issues.
In fact, this will only "mess things up" and make it more likely that power and control tactics will be used, even involving physical violence, resulting in an increased risk of harm to the victim and even other members of the community.
The myth of "narcissistic abuse" often involves abusive and manipulative behavior that makes the truth DIFFICULT to discover. Are you ready for help in Charlotte, NC?
Once the bully is ready to be held accountable for his behavior, develop a plan to change the troublesome patterns and follow up regularly. It is appropriate to begin with a clinical plan to intervene in the offender's underlying mental health problems.
NONE of these are supported by the use of the term "narcissistic abuse" to cover up experiences of domestic violence.
Harmful myth of narcissistic abuse in domestic violence
#2 Harmful Myth of Narcissistic Abuse in Domestic Violence–Assumption of a “narcissistic personality disorder”
When people use the phrase "narcissistic abuse" it is automatically assumed that the abuser committed itnarcissistic personality disorder– a mental health problem that has been identified by the DSM from research and practice since the first edition of the DSM 50 years ago and was a major focus of the original school of speech therapy"Psychodynamic Theory"by Siegmund Freud.
For someone to have narcissistic personality disorder, they must first complete a mental health assessment with a licensed mental health professional, some of which are offered at New Leaf Counseling Group in Charlotte, NC. “Narcissistic abuse” is NOT a mental disorder or syndrome.
For someone to have narcissistic personality disorder, they must first undergo a mental health evaluation with a licensed mental health professional. Often, the abuser has not completed a psychological health assessment with a licensed psychologist, but the victim has researched her own experience and may even have shared her experience with a counselor or therapist who has mentioned that the behavior is controlling and abusive. "It seems narcissistic," said the victim.
Of course, this type of controlling and manipulative behavior by someone opposing someone else can be seen as a feature of "narcissistic personality disorder".
The controlling and manipulative behavior of someone opposing another human being could be considered a trait of "narcissistic personality disorder", but this does NOT mean that they have a "narcissistic abusive experience".
Someone with this mental health diagnosis (research suggests this could include anywhere from 1-5% of the population) is often willing to manipulate resources and those around them for their own gain, even if it means harming others.
This can also be said for MANY other types of disorders, such as:expected,Bipolar disorder,search, it's includedantisocial personality disorder(the one for serial killers) that MUST be addressed by a clinical professional, NOT the person being molested by the perpetrator.
Harmful myth of narcissistic abuse in domestic violence
#3 Harmful Myth of Narcissistic Abuse in Domestic Violence–victim healing process
In order to heal the trauma that often results from domestic violence, the victim must process the experiences she has gone through. This is REALLY hard to do, as remembering experiences directly or indirectly creates a reality warp designed by the brain to keep the victim as relatively safe as possible during the event.
When we use the term "narcissistic abuse," the victim's experiences are framed around a presumed diagnosis of "narcissistic personality disorder" for the abuser. We have a diverse team of counselors and therapists at New Leaf Counseling Group in Charlotte, NC to help you.
It is common for the chronology of events and important details to be confused or even forgotten by a victim of domestic violence.
It just makes it harder to find personal meaning, heal, and remove yourself from the whole experience. The importance of personal meaning CANNOT be understated when it comes to moving forward and SUCCEEDING rather than simply surviving an abusive relationship and maintaining a “victim mentality” to make sense of these domestic violence experiences.
When we use the term "narcissistic abuse," the victim's experiences are framed around a presumed diagnosis of "narcissistic personality disorder" for the abuser. This is problematic for the victim's healing process because the typical personality of someone who is likely to develop a romantic relationship with someone who uses power and control tactics is likely to gain high self-esteem by pleasing other people.
When we use the term "narcissistic abuse," the victim's experiences are framed around a presumed diagnosis of "narcissistic personality disorder" for the abuser. this further separates the victim from their reality. Are you ready for help in Charlotte, NC? The New Leaf Advisory Group is here for you.
This type of "people pleaser" mentality is more likely to "rework" the relationship with the abuser and identify with "enabling" their behavior, or even fear leaving the relationship because of the abuser's possessive and controlling behavior.
This puts the victim in a position where he tends to cling stubbornly to the habit of focusing on the abuser's thoughts, feelings, and behavior rather than his own mind and body, which are in need of healing.
A victim of domestic violence MUST begin her healing process from a position of her OWN personal integrity in order to go through the"Trauma Response"often after surviving prolonged exposure to abusive and controlling behavior.
Would you like to know more about the"Cycle of Abuse"What characterizes domestic violence? As mentioned earlier in this article, things can get VERY confusing, so we've put together this short video to make sure you have a clear picture:
The first thing victims want for their abuser is not punishment or imprisonment; not at first. What they want is someone to help the victim stay SAFE - to escape the abuse!
The victim often wonders if they can find someone who can just "figure it out" and then explain to the victim how the abuser is "broken"; because they MUST be broken or they wouldn't have treated the victim so terribly. And if the abuser is broken it means they were not abused because of their personal desire but because they are broken and there must be a cure.
Very few perpetrators of domestic violence would actually meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, yet they often choose to self-diagnose! The phrase "narcissistic abuse" is often more harmful because it hides behind a diagnosis. The New Leaf Counseling Group has a diverse team of trained counselors and therapists serving in Charlotte, NC.
This is where the latest tendency to blame or explain comes into play. "They are narcissists! That's right! The abuser is not capable because his character is broken! They cannotHelpbut don't think about the victim, because she's focused on herself!"
The secret thought, especially in younger victims... "Eventually, the perpetrator will realize the horror of his actions and will repent, and the victim will be rehabilitated and finally learn what he always suspected: that there was a boy inside." . the abuser yearns for love, but ________ (fill in the blanks: childhood trauma/bullying/ex-wife/rejection/mental illness/addiction/church/cult) hurt her so much that all he could do was protect himself, and that's why they're narcissists!"
Unfortunately, this disclosure, while accurate, does not help the victim or survivor to heal. Focus on the offender: understand him; Your childhood; why the perpetrator hurt the victim; what is it?incorrectwith YOU - it simply means that the victim is STILL doing the offender's job - NOT their own. As we tell all abusers, abuse is selfish. A perpetrator abuses because they feel entitled to do so. And it doesn't need to be any deeper -
In order to heal the trauma that often results from domestic violence, the victim must process the experiences she has gone through. The phrase "narcissistic abuse" avoids this.
Very few perpetrators of domestic violence would actually meet the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder; However, many times you want to diagnoseme yes! Why? For the exact same reason his victims want a diagnosis: so they don't have to deal with the fact that it's domestic violence.
And what do we tell the victims? “Make your decisions about the future of this relationship based on who you were; not the person they should be.” Oh, and leave the diagnosis in the hands of mental health professionals.
The term "narcissistic abuse" manages to avoid the use of the term "domestic violence" entirely. This makes it difficult to hold the perpetrator accountable through power and control tactics. are you ready to help The diverse team of counselors and therapists at New Leaf Counseling Group and Intervention Services at IMPACT in Charlotte, NC are here to serve you.
he would like toto holdlearn about domestic violence to ensure you've covered all aspects? If you're not sure about your experience, feel free to do so.In this article you will find answers.
Would you like more information about how the diverse team of counselors and therapists at New Leaf Counseling Group in Charlotte, NC can help you? Or would you like to find the right services for someone struggling with domestic violence in Bea Cote?IMPACT Charlotte?
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FAQs
Is Narcissist abuse a real thing? ›
The term describes a type of emotional abuse that comes from a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). People with NPD have low empathy and see others as beneath them, which can lead to harmful, toxic, abusive behaviors. Narcissistic abuse can be incredibly difficult to endure.
Can Narcissist cause physical harm? ›According to a new study from The Ohio State University, the answer is yes. Researchers say narcissism can lead to aggression and violence. The researchers analyzed over 430 studies from around the world and found that narcissism is an important risk factor for both aggression and violence.
What are typical behaviors of narcissistic abuse survivors? ›The aftermath of narcissistic abuse can include depression, anxiety, hypervigilance, a pervasive sense of toxic shame, emotional flashbacks that regress the victim back to the abusive incidents, and overwhelming feelings of helplessness and worthlessness.
What is the difference between a narcissist and abuser? ›Abusers can hide their abusiveness from the public for a lifetime and no one other than their intimate partners and children will know the truth; whereas narcissists leave a trail of enemies behind them (though they also fool some of the people along the way).
What is the narcissist abuse pattern? ›The narcissistic abuse cycle is a pattern of behavior that is common in relationships where one partner is a narcissist. This cycle can be difficult to break free from, but it is possible with the right help and support. It typically consists of three phases: idealization, devaluation, discarding and hovering.
How damaging is narcissistic abuse? ›Narcissistic abuse can be highly damaging, and someone who constantly is subjected to it may experience long-term effects. The abuse itself is a strategy that involves manipulation tactics that help the abuser gain control over the person being abused. While recovery is difficult, it is possible.
What happens to the brain during narcissistic abuse? ›As a narcissistic abuse survivor, you will likely have symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Your brain will be on high alert, looking out for danger. This is because the traumatic events triggered a fight or flight response within you. As a result, anything associated with those memories can trigger an anxiety attack.
What narcissistic abuse does to a woman? ›Victims of narcissistic abuse have been reported to experience symptoms similar to PTSD, known informally as narcissistic abuse syndrome. Symptoms include intrusive, invasive, or unwanted thoughts, flashbacks, avoidance, feelings of loneliness, isolation, and feeling extremely alert.
When a narcissist turns violent? ›People high in narcissism are especially likely to act aggressively when they are provoked, insulted, humiliated, shamed, criticized, or threatened by others. But they need not be provoked to attack.
Why do people become narcissistic abusers? ›One of the main reasons that people abuse others whom they profess to love is that they lack whole object relations and object constancy.
Are all narcissists emotionally abusive? ›
It takes years for many to realize they are in toxic relationships and start healing from effects of that toxic environment. All narcissists, borderlines and other Cluster-B psycho-pathologically disordered people are emotionally abusive to their spouses, but not all emotionally abusive people are disordered.